The Queen Mother hasn't felt as comfortable and happy as she does now for many years.
The weakness and pain caused by poisoning in her early years made her life particularly painful.
Many winter days, she would lie on the bed and think that it would be better to just let it go. Her son had ascended the throne and became emperor. Those who had grudges against her in the past were either no longer alive or were living under her wings. She had no regrets in her life.
If the emperor hadn't refused to give up, and hadn't stared at the imperial doctors gloomily every time, as if they would be buried with her if anything happened to her, she would have given up on enduring it long ago.
She couldn't bear to part with her filial son, nor did she want those imperial doctors to suffer because of her.
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