Trail To The Destination Chapter 8

It turns out they were playing poker.

The difficulty of conversation, such as this obstacle caused by language barriers, is only the smallest and most insignificant one. Even more difficult to overcome are the accidents caused by lack of or wrong assumptions. Conversation makes people familiar, and familiarity makes people know what to talk about and how to talk to each other. Even if we are strangers, we will limit our topics to a reasonable range based on our experience and judgment of the scene and the identity of the other party. This is called not making mistakes. On the road, the other party of the conversation is always a stranger. After more experience, we will not be so rash. However, there are always mistakes in judgment, so what starts as a close relationship ends up in a Huyue form, which is more unfamiliar than the beginning.

Many years ago, I was asked by a friend to visit an old acquaintance of his. This friend was a straightforward person, and somehow I thought that his old acquaintance must have a similar temperament. Everything was fine when we first met. He had a nice residence in the county town and a soft chair for me to sit on. In order to open up the topic, I admired the statue of a god that he had placed high up and made some rash comments. When I noticed that his face was not quite right, I quickly apologized, saying that I thought that since he was someone's friend, he would not care much about these things. He said that someone never "talked about" his faith. The latter word irritated me, so I said, faith, what does this thing have to do with faith. So we had a heated discussion, and when we both used up all the bad words in our stomachs, we parted unhappily. I called my friend and exposed that person as a narrow-minded fool. My friend said that he just called and said that you are a jerk.

Among a series of disagreements, this one is easy and simple to say. More often, it is the small disagreements that make the journey more bumpy. Sometimes I think that when you are with strangers, it is better to say less than more, but then I think this is a contradiction. One of the original intentions of people going out to travel is to see the unfamiliar world, people or things; but once the original experience is not applicable, they will complain. Both thoughts are human nature. It can be seen that common sense sometimes makes us free and sometimes the opposite. Common sense is inevitable for everyone, and the difference may only be whether there is a desire for self-reflection.

In fact, even if you are friends and share the same interests, going out to play together occasionally involves risks. Setbacks on the road will magnify existing differences, and emotions will brew, and the cause is seeking common ground. The key is that even if you are good friends at ordinary times, you can hold your own opinions and do your own thing, but on the road, people in the same car can't just go their separate ways, like you eat at this place and I stay at that hotel. You must be consistent, and everyone's temper will be suppressed a little. If everything goes well, everything is fine, and you will smile when you break up and make an appointment for the next time. Once you encounter some troubles, or someone is not very easy-going, although you can always resolve the dispute, it is inevitable that you will have your own thoughts. When you break up, you will smile and even say you are happy, but what you think in your heart is, my God, it's finally over.

There are also happy memories. One year in Jiangxi, I was very bored and suddenly came to Taihe County. I remembered that this was the hometown of the Neo-Confucianist Luo Qinshun, so I went to visit. There was almost nothing to see when I arrived at the village, only an old ancestral hall, and I couldn't see any signs of the time. There was a stele in the rice field in the north of the village, and the handwriting was worn out and could not be seen. When I was about to leave, I met an old gentleman. We got along well and he invited me to his home for a meal. This old gentleman had been a private teacher for forty years. He was a poor scholar. There were more farm tools than furniture in his house. Seeing this scene, I felt very uneasy. After a while, the meal was served. There were two bowls of fish, a bowl of fried lentils, and a bowl of vegetables that I couldn't name. The old gentleman found half a bottle of wine and insisted that I drink it, but he didn't touch tobacco or alcohol. We slowly chatted about family matters, current affairs, changes in customs, etc. Unknowingly, it was night, and I remembered to say goodbye.

I had a few sips of wine and didn't want to drive. I stopped by the road not far from the village. I lay in the car and thought about what happened just now. I felt a little sad. The so-called compatibility is rarely mixed with mutual submission. Because I was uneasy, I often flattered him in my words. When he entertained a distant guest, he naturally concealed the plots in daily life that were worth talking about and picked out things he liked to talk about. What's more deadly than these is the so-called identity and role, which are always involved. Often, after being happy, thinking about the role I played is enough to make people depressed. But I changed my mind and thought that I shouldn't be too obsessed with these ideas, otherwise I would either become a moralist or a "muddy person". I have never liked the teachings of Luo Qinshun and others, such as "James gentleman's righteousness is not to be compared with others" and "When flattering others, you should forget about power". How can I move towards that kind of thinking? Treating human feelings is not like treating physical things. If you are too careful about details, you will pretend to know what you don't know. It may be about the same, so it's okay. After changing my mind, I became happy again and fell asleep.

However, this does not mean that we can ignore the role. I am a person who looks ahead and behind, so I particularly admire a certain kind of strong character. I once accompanied such a heroic friend to break into the home of a villager, which was really thrilling. My friend praised the chickens in the yard loudly, thinking that the villagers would be moved by the compliment and would prepare food and drink to welcome the king's army. However, the villagers were caught off guard and could only smile politely. The chickens were fat, the house was tidy, life was good, it was more comfortable than in the city, etc. He kept talking all the way until the host allowed him to take a few ears of beautiful dried corn, and then he left. After leaving the yard, he commented that the countryside was great and he really wanted to live in such a place. This was a shameless lie, and he didn't want to.

Let's put ourselves in his shoes. For example, if I were sitting at home and a guest like this came and looked around and turned over the pots and quilts, I would definitely drive him out no matter who he was.

Similarly, I used to be very interested in chatting with strangers, but now I don't believe that such conversations, even if they go well, can have any meaning. Sometimes the other party shows interest in the conversation, but I am not sure, I always feel that it is forced, it is better to say a few words and end it hastily. Imagine if you were in your hometown and a not-so-pleasant guy came across, smiled falsely, and said some irrelevant things, would you be willing to pay attention to him? However, I did meet many people who were willing to talk to me, and then I thought ungratefully that I met all the weird people. Sometimes, when I was outside, someone took the initiative to talk to me, and I was distracted while talking. The other party stopped talking, a little uneasy, and said: "I see that your face is not right, did I go off the topic?" "It's okay, go on, I was thinking about something else." What I actually thought was that I used to be like this.

Let’s imagine a scenario and discuss it.

There are many fruit trees planted in a certain mountain area, such as hawthorn, jujube, pear, apricot, walnut, etc. The low price of fruit hurts farmers, so there are always people selling them on the roadside, usually women or old people, who put out a few thorn baskets and spend a whole day, but may not sell much. It is said that in the early autumn of this year, when the hawthorns were just beginning to ripen, a car stopped on the roadside because it saw people selling hawthorns. They got off the car, in a very good mood, and praised loudly and took pictures of the trees on the foothills. As for buying hawthorns, it was a great act of charity and they had to do it.

"The hawthorns are so red!" "How much is one pound?" "Do you grow them at home?" "Are they sour?" "I want to string them into a necklace, what do you think?"...

In the chaos, the fruit farmer answered pertinently: "Five yuan a pound." One person said to his companion: "Five yuan, is it expensive?"

"Just got down, not expensive. It's from the mountains, the most 'ecological', no pesticides or anything... You didn't use any, did you?"

The fruit farmer said without changing his expression, "No." "It must be hard to grow hawthorns," the passerby asked as he picked them, "Do you have to climb up the tree to pick them?"

The fruit farmer replied, "Yes."

Passersby exclaimed: "It's too dangerous. Let's take a photo together."

This is what I call character dialogue. I know because I was watching it while I was taking a break.

These people left, and another person came. Actually, there is no such person. The following conversation is made up by me. Let's assume that this person is a wisher and claims to be a person who pursues the truth.

"How do you sell it?"

"Five dollars."

"What's five dollars? Ours is only three dollars. The purchase price is only one dollar, right?"

"This hawthorn is good, you can't buy it in the city." "What's so good about it? It's not very red, and it smells like pesticides... God, it's so sour that it's killing me."

"It will become sweet after a while... It's not easy to grow something, you have to climb the tree to pick it, clean the thorns..."

"Who are you kidding? I've never heard of picking hawthorns from a tree. So, 10 yuan for 3 jin." The fruit farmer couldn't stand it any more: "No, I won't sell it to you no matter how much money you pay."

After this imaginary person left in my imagination, I rested enough and went to the stall. "How much?"

"Five dollars a pound."

"Weigh two catties."

This is the conversation I want to have. But when I was leaving, the farmer said, "Slow down!" What a weird guy.

Avenues and trails

Mencius said: "How sad it is to abandon the right path and not take it." But when it comes to traveling, my favorite is the county road, followed by the provincial road, then the national road, and the most dislike is the straight expressway.

There are many wonderful sections among the more than 100 national highways, but in most cases, the national highways are too busy for me. People have built houses, markets, workshops, camps, etc. on both sides of the highway or moved here since ancient times. Sometimes, driving on the national highway for a day is as tiring as driving through a long town of hundreds of kilometers. Often, you struggle out of a few kilometers of villages and towns, drive into a quiet, cool, and flat road, lean back comfortably on the seat, take a breath, or even want to drink a sip of water, at this time, a dog jumps across the road, and you are a little alert, this is a bad sign. Sure enough, another dog appears, then its owner, then more dogs and owners, and you are caught off guard. Turning a corner, you see a long row of houses lining the road, various vehicles are coming towards you, and puddles and potholes begin to spread on the road.

Yes, national highways are generally smooth, with the exception of places passing through villages and stockades. Due to frequent human activities, national highways in villages and towns are not only crowded, but also almost always in tatters. I say this a bit ruthlessly, because for the residents living on both sides of the national highway, it is too cruel to ask them to limit their activities. When I was very young, I lived next to National Highway 101 for four years. There were few cars on the road at that time, and the highway was our playground. We skated on the highway, pushed iron rings, and used slingshots to hit porcelain bottles on telephone poles (I guess it was other children, not me). Adults also had their own entertainment or work on the highway. If you put yourself in their shoes, it would be difficult to say anything about others. The highway is part of the lives of the residents along the road. The richer the life, the busier the highway.

After understanding this principle, I no longer frowned at the various things on the national highway. There is one thing I remember very clearly. In Zhouqu County, Gansu, an old man crossed the road. I never honk at pedestrians, but even so, when the car approached, he still turned his head, glared at me, and slowed down his pace as if to protest. I don't like the eccentric temperament revealed by the old man, but I appreciate his resistance. Therefore, I don't feel wronged that I am now a symbol of the hostile force in his life. In the mountainous areas of Guizhou, when it is cold, respectable dogs are basking in the sun on the national highway. When vehicles pass by, only some particularly mature ones raise their heads and pay attention, while the rest continue to maintain their fur and wag their tails at most. I don't like dogs, but when I drive here, I can't help but admire this calm philosophy. Although I can't reach it, my heart yearns for it.

Another advantage of the national highway is that you can often go to the market. I like to go to the market. Although I seldom buy anything, when I am alone, I feel happy when I suddenly feel the hustle and bustle. I know that I have a dangerous tendency to ignore life. Going to the market, whether it is self-correction or self-deception, will always have some effect in curbing it. It is difficult for vehicles to pass through the crowded market. Slowing down and stopping is a good way to adjust your mood. Despite these advantages, I still try to avoid the national highway if possible in recent years. The main reason is that there are too many large trucks. They crush the road into pieces, they roar, and their drivers fall asleep. If there is only one preparation for going out for fun, it must be to check first whether there are any "mineral-rich" places you are going to or passing through. You must avoid these places. Once, I was unlucky enough to pass through the border area between Ordos and Shanxi. I was sandwiched between tens of thousands of heavy trucks and couldn't get out. Above was smoke and dust blocking the sky, and below were large and small pits. In the eyes of industrialists, this is a prosperous scene, but to me it is a bit like the end of the world.

If national highways are too lively, then expressways are too cold. National highways almost all have a history, such as National Highway 102, which is roughly the Fengtian official road in the Qing Dynasty, and the famous Shanxi-Shaanxi section of National Highway 108, which was an important post road in the Tang Dynasty. Expressways are created out of nothing and are extremely rigid. I don't like closed roads. Class-one highways are better. Fully closed expressways are like a wall that separates people along the route in two places. There is often only one passage every few miles. The inconvenience is obvious. It is arrogant, unfair, ostentatious, and oppressive. In a sense, it is like a castle of vested interests, with weapons flashing on the top of the city.

Many highways are adjacent to provincial or county roads. If you are walking on a provincial road and there is a highway under construction next to you, you are unlucky. The builders always unceremoniously requisition nearby roads as temporary working passages. After the highway is built, they will restore it to its original state, but during the construction period, these roads are crushed beyond description. Not only that, within a radius of dozens of miles, mountains are opened to quarry stones, rivers are opened to quarry sand, and this is refined and that is refined. Local residents endure the inconvenience while doing some business with the workers. After the smoke and dust clears, a few new rich people are revealed, and most people live as usual. This is a representative social state. If you are willing, you can see it under or on the highway.

There are many unpleasant feelings on the highway, one of which is the feeling of becoming an ally of the things you oppose. You curse the 50 cents per kilometer toll while enjoying the special status you get as a result. If similar thoughts only occur when you reflect on it afterwards, then the monotony, tension and irritability when driving, I don’t know how others feel, but for me, it is torture. I have had the experience of driving more than a thousand kilometers on the highway more than ten times, and the process is exactly the same: in the morning, I am happy to get on the road, quiet and beautiful, and I feel like singing; at ten o'clock in the morning, I look at the odometer, feel heavy, and feel like cursing; in the afternoon, I feel numb first, then irritable, and after irritability, I feel malicious towards myself. I should have stopped in the evening, but I insisted on driving angrily until I was exhausted. These negative emotions will continue and affect my attitude towards things for several days.

The character of provincial roads is between national roads and county roads. In my opinion, if you can't find a suitable county road, provincial roads are the best choice. Provincial roads are mostly smooth third-level roads. As long as they are not in mining areas, there are not many heavy vehicles, which makes driving comfortable. There are also various local vehicles on provincial roads, and their variety is not easy to see on the main roads. There are many villages along the road, which seem to be different from the villages and towns along the national roads and are quieter.

One of the shortcomings of provincial roads is that they have only appeared in recent years. The speed limit on national roads should be more unified and regular, while the speed limit on provincial roads is often unexpected. When you drive on a provincial road, you often look up and see a speed measuring device, staring at you in the air, and you don’t even know what the speed limit is. When you see the speed limit signs, they are all different, suddenly 40, suddenly 30, and suddenly 20. You have to spend half of your energy on finding these signs. In Shuozhou area, I walked through a beautiful provincial road. The road surface was as flat as a mirror, the scenery was peaceful, and the people were serene, but the speed measuring devices were densely packed, about one every one or two kilometers, which made people shudder. Highway speed limits have their own reasons, but in my opinion, too low speed limits and too much monitoring still treat people as people without the ability to act, who need to be stared at and managed hand in hand.

Then let's take the county road. Yes, the county road is often the most pleasant road if the road surface is not too bumpy. Just this month, in Xingyi, Guizhou, I took a 602 county road. As usual, I set off early in the morning. The fog was hazy, and the surrounding karst terrain made the mountains look like islands. People in the southwest get up late. The earliest passers-by are elementary school students going to school. They are so in tune with the morning that I can't help but sigh that human beings can still be beautiful. The county road passes through a town called Zerong. If it is based on the standards of both sides of the national highway, it is at most a village. When I passed by, it was still lying in bed. People who showed up were in twos and threes, sleepy-eyed, not like workers, but like people with hangovers. This road is winding and leads all the way to Guangxi; entering Guangxi is the 322 provincial road, which is a completely different scene.

County roads are also more real roads. If we say that what we see on expressways and national roads is the front of this country, what we see on county and township roads is its back. Without those glamorous things, on the other side of the hustle and bustle, we see things and customs that are far older and will last longer or will soon disappear. I don’t know which one can better represent the current situation and future of this country. I only know that each one cannot exist alone. One year in Fujian, probably in Anping County, I accidentally walked onto a small road that first ran through some villages. For some reason, I hoped that I was an invisible person and that the car was also invisible. In this way, although it was very short, passing through the eyes of the residents suddenly became a very shameful thing. The next morning, next to a small village several meters below the road, I saw villagers, some old people and some young couples, waiting for a long-distance bus on the roadside. After a while, the bus drove up, stopped and left, and the road was empty. I don’t know why this scene touched me, anyway, I was stunned for a long time.

Finally, let's talk about the world-famous Shu Road. The so-called Shu Road difficulty in the Tang Dynasty refers to the situation from Chang'an, looking south with the eyes of the empire; the roads in the Qinba Mountains were difficult at that time, but today, they have become thoroughfares. The Shu Road difficulty I mentioned refers to the fact that the roads in Sichuan Province often need to be repaired due to geological influences, and there are all kinds of strange things when they are repaired. For example, before filling the potholes on the road, road maintenance workers often use a simplified method to place something as a sign to remind drivers to pay attention. This sign may be a small pile of sand in Inner Mongolia, a pile of soil in Shaanxi, and sometimes a stone in Sichuan. In order to be eye-catching, the stone is often not small, probably because they are afraid that the driver will not see it. Yes, you'd better see it early.

Once in Ganzi area, I planned to take National Highway 317 to Chengdu. After driving for a long distance, the driver from the opposite direction told me that the road ahead was under construction and it was extremely difficult to pass. His off-road vehicle had to drive for most of the day before it could barely pass, but my car could hardly pass. After weighing the pros and cons, I returned to Luhuo, went south to Xinduqiao, and went to Chengdu from National Highway 318. This was the second day. After turning past Erlang Mountain, I saw a sign that the road was blocked and was under repair. After asking around, I returned to Luding and turned to Shimian, hoping to get on the highway there. After driving for a while, the cars in front of me turned back one after another, saying that the road was blocked a few kilometers away, and there was another road not far to the south. I followed them to that road, but found that the road was under construction again and was closed to traffic. So I had to go back to the road I had just taken. Fortunately, it was not really blocked, but it was difficult to pass in the narrow part, so I slowly passed. After passing, I saw the cars on the opposite side lined up for dozens of kilometers. I thought with gloating that they couldn't go anywhere today. Building roads is a natural thing, but why should several passages be constructed at the same time? I don’t understand the logic behind this.

Another year, in Tongjiang County, I encountered road repairs on Provincial Highway 201, and dozens of kilometers were in the mud. There were more than a dozen cars in front and behind, and the drivers encouraged each other, cursed together, and lifted the trapped vehicles together, struggling to move forward. I was a little moved, thinking to myself, this is a really beautiful day, just missing a beautiful ending. After a while, I saw it. It was a toll station. No matter how we questioned, the toll collector just smiled and said: "Ten yuan." I was very unhappy at the time, but looking back, it was indeed a fitting ending.

Travel and history reading

Mood is the friend and enemy of travel. One afternoon, I happily left the Qinling Mountains and looked north from Xianyou Temple at Xi'an. It was really a bustling city with skyscrapers rising high. The trees and streets below could only be imagined, and imagination was dim. I remembered the last time I walked through the city of Xi'an. Cars honked, merchants hawked, people looked stern, and each of them moved forward in the crowded traffic. I gave up the idea of   staying overnight and drove towards home along the highway.

My plan was to find a county on the way and rest there. There are no places with more attractive names than Xi'an. We all grew up reading articles from the Han and Tang dynasties. Those names that once made people fantasize are everywhere here. However, this is not my first time in Xi'an. I already know that the more beautiful the name of a place is, the more you should avoid it.

Once I passed by the area around Ba Ling, which is now part of Baqiao District, and thought to myself, oh, this is the Ba Ling where "I climbed the bank of Ba Ling to the south and looked back at Chang'an", and the Ba Ling where "the willows are green every year, and I am sad to say goodbye to Ba Ling"; I took my eyes off the road sign and took a look. The scenery ahead was indescribable, as if a hundred thousand people were running around.

The Beijing-Kunming Expressway turns northeast after leaving Xi'an. After a while, I saw a road sign saying that Fuping County is ahead. Speaking of Fuping County, I am ignorant and only think of Li Yindu. In his later years, Gu Yanwu came to Fuping because of Li Yindu and lived there for a while. At that time, Fuping was a gathering place for heroes, including the "Three Lis of Guanzhong" (the other two are Li Yong and Li Bai), Wang Hongzhuan, etc. from the province, and Fu Shan, Zhu Yizun, etc. from other provinces. Gu Yanwu spent most of his last few years in Fuping. He traveled north for more than 20 years and had no permanent place to live. What attracted him to stop here, except for a group of teachers and friends with similar aspirations?

I drove off the highway at the Fuping exit and entered a road heading west, but stopped after driving one or two kilometers. The terrain I was in was slightly higher at the time. I don't know if it can be considered a tableland. If it is, it must be the lowest tableland I have ever seen. Although it is not high, I can still see many things in front of me clearly. This loess belt stretches from the north. The lower part is farmland and scattered trees. It is now evening and the leaves are shining. I saw clusters of houses, which are so similar to each other, just like the houses I have seen in many other places; I saw many pedestrians, whose faces are so blurred, just like the people I have seen in many other places. I stood on the side of the road. On the other side of the road were shops and parked red trucks. I wanted to go to the opposite side to buy some water to drink and look at the dizzying traffic, but I gave up.

I hesitated. History, or a little knowledge of it, is supposed to add flavor to travel, but most of what I encountered only made it more depressing. If the right things can stimulate our historical imagination, then another group of things is more capable of blocking this imagination.

I believe that for a person who has a certain understanding of human behavior and its history, there is no environment that is incomprehensible to him. For him, the accumulated traces are everywhere, and what we find confusing and directionless is full of meaning to him. Such a person may even like things that you and I try to avoid, because he likes to find a little puzzle for his understanding.

Unfortunately, I am far from that kind of person. I have only a superficial understanding of history, and human behavior is unfathomable to me. Traveling and reading complement each other, but sometimes, or in a sense, they disrupt each other. From books, it is easy for us to establish our own world order, because any book, whether good or bad, is a product of order as soon as it is written, and real things are not always willing to accept the rule of this order; on the contrary, if we are unlucky, it will shake the set of explanations we have worked so hard to get, as if to say, sorry, you are unlucky this time.

Among the travel records I have read, my favorite type is that some authors can make the history of a certain place resurrect in their hearts at a certain moment. When he stands there, he seems to be able to see the flow of people over thousands of years, people passing by and leaving, footprints trampled and covered, just like trees falling and growing again, water flowing and drying up. In this repetitive cycle, the face of the world changes to what he sees.

I can't do it. Sometimes I may get a little closer, but most of the time, I can't even get close. At this moment, looking at the fruit trees and farmhouses under the sunset, I feel that my imagination is getting farther and farther away from me, and what's left is only a dry understanding, which is harmful. Yes, if there is anything more harmful than being confused, it is a bad understanding. I don't like it, but I can't escape it because I can't think of any other explanation.

After standing on the roadside for a while, I felt discouraged. It wasn't because of anything in particular that I felt discouraged. Maybe it was the opposite. There was nothing in particular that made me feel discouraged. The most terrifying thought about traveling is that you haven't actually been anywhere. The things you see, especially the people, are no different from what you see at home. If one of the purposes of your travel is to escape from something or an emotion, then you feel that there is no escape and you might as well stay at home.

For example, if you have something on your mind, you go out to relax in order to avoid dwelling on it. However, what you see every day not only fails to dispel the worry, but instead constantly reminds you of it. When you are traveling, there are always various new things to distract you. However, one day, due to the accumulation of worries, you suddenly feel that your mood is not only not relieved, but even heavier. At this time, you should go home.

I once listened to a person who had just been heartbroken telling his travel story. He said that when he was at home, his lover's beautiful figure was always in front of his eyes, so he stretched out his hand to wave it away. People around him thought he was sick, so he started traveling, and slowly the symptoms became better.

But one day, he saw a person of the opposite S3x who looked a bit like his ex-girlfriend, and he started to have wild thoughts again. The next day, the day after, and every day after that, he saw someone who looked similar, either in hair or clothes, one or two, or even dozens of times a day, so he hurried home and hid in the house.

If we say that the environment is created by the mind, then most things in the world are not what we imagine. In human society, there are always some forces that influence the landscape of different places.

There is a word called "reality". In daily usage, it does not refer to all things that are happening, but specifically refers to those things that threaten one's will. James certain reality, in a certain society, will really cover everything and threaten everything. Nothing, from the appearance of mountains and rivers to the smallest grain, will not remind us of its existence. If it is an acceptable existence, everything is fine, but if it is the opposite, then there is really no escape between heaven and earth.

Gu Yanwu was mentioned earlier. Gu Yanwu spent more than 20 years traveling in the north in the second half of his life. When I read his writings during this period, I couldn't help but speculate on his psychology. He has these few lines of poetry:

The south is not trustworthy, and I have been wandering for a long time. Across the rugged thousands of miles, I enjoy the vastness of the place.

Nature can indeed comfort people. No matter how heavy a person's worries are, there will always be a part of his nature that will respond to the laws of nature and become free. Unfortunately, it is only a part.

The Ming loyalists in the early Qing Dynasty suffered many humiliations during their long life. James group of people who died during the Shunzhi period could not believe until their death that the barbarians from the north could occupy the interior of the country for a long time. Although there are endless precedents in history of barbarians defeating civilized society by force, these people's fantasies have no shortage of fuel for a while. The mutual encouragement among comrades, rumors and wrong analysis, the chaotic state of the world before it was settled, and their historical theories, including the narrow understanding of civilization, these and other factors became endless food for the rebels. By the Kangxi period, the world was peaceful and the people were used to the hairstyle on top of their heads. Even people like Gu Yanwu were criticized for compromising.

Gu Yanwu lived until the 21st year of Emperor Kangxi's reign. His spiritual journey was rich with pain. He wrote: "When people's hearts have been in depravity for a long time, even if a saint is reborn, there will be something that cannot be changed suddenly. It is better to choose a remote and desolate place, such as Mount Wutai, and live there without mixing with the four kinds of people."

Now it seems that he didn't mention the key point of the matter, but the despair is still vivid on the paper. As for fleeing to a "deserted and remote place", it doesn't suit his character, so he can't do it.

His state of mind in the second half of his life was different from that in his early years. The so-called restoration, it is fine to keep the ambition, but there is absolutely no hope. He understood this point more and more. Therefore, although he often interacted with the survivors during his trip to the north, he still intended to echo the same voice, seek the same spirit, and warm each other. As for contacting patriots from all over the world, it was no longer a motivation. His attention also shifted to academics, and like almost every subject of the new dynasty, he was full when he ate and afraid when he was hungry. He secreted dopamine when he saw a kitten and adrenaline when he saw a tiger. It is human nature, and the fragmented daily life is not acceptable. As for stories like three years of silence and being ready for war, only fundamentalists like them.

Worries can be relieved, but they cannot be completely eliminated. Many of Gu Yanwu's later works were completed during his travels. He talked about history and geography. Although the events were thousands of years away, his heart was still in his heart. Wherever he traveled, there were beautiful mountains and rivers, distinguished guests and wise rulers. Every day was filled with joy, and every place was filled with unforgettable things. It seems that the self is truly inescapable. But with more experience, the self can change a little. When I read "The Book of the Advantages and Disadvantages of Counties and States in the World", I saw that some of Gu Yanwu's ideas had gone beyond the struggle for imperial power and had a broader vision. I couldn't help but be happy for him, and I also thought that I should really learn from this man.

It's just a thought. People at my age can rarely change themselves. Every time I go out to play, I see the same play being performed everywhere, and everyone in each play is doing their own thing. At first I pretend not to see it, but when I fail, I get impatient. Every time I try to persuade myself that there are different divisions of labor in society, etc., but it works for a while, but it's ultimately ineffective.

There is always a shadow there, or a double shadow, one is the actual behemoth, and the other is my sensitivity to it. I insist on not being fundamentalist about anything and try to respect daily life, but I still can't help thinking that this is indeed not a normal society. I am happy to think so, because if it is the opposite, there must be something wrong with me. So I returned to the highway openly and no longer thought about going to Fuping.

Less than two hours later, I stayed in Hancheng. Hancheng is the hometown of Sima Qian. James few dozen miles away from Hancheng, there was a big sign on the highway saying Zhichuan Wetland. Zhichuan Town is where Sima Qian's shrine and tomb are located.

Not far from the hotel I stayed was a small square with many food stalls. Further ahead was a street full of restaurants. I ate noodles and fermented glutinous rice, and wontons the next morning. As for Sima Qian's shrine and tomb, I didn't go to see them.

Bravely climb Huangshan

Last year, I wrote an article titled "Why I Didn't Go to Huangshan" here. The last paragraph of the article said: "As for Huangshan, I believe it is beautiful. I am not afraid that I don't like it, but I am afraid that I like it. Or, isn't it against nature to argue with myself like this? I think what we are talking about here is not nature, but the opposite. I have spent so many years thinking that I can stop liking Huangshan. What if I climb up and see Shi Tao's eight wonders and Mei Qing's nineteen scenes, I will be happy, but how depressed I will be!"

No matter what I write, after I finish writing, I always leave it alone, as if I have fled or abandoned it, and I can't bear to look at it again. However, this month, my husband and I planned a trip to Huizhou, and the topic we couldn't avoid was whether to go to Huangshan. She said yes, but I couldn't. She said yes, but I couldn't. She said yes, but I couldn't. So I found the previous article and read it again with great pain. When I read the last paragraph, I realized: This is not an open attitude at all! The more a person feels that a fact may shake his original proposition, the more he should approach it. Going to Huangshan is to go a step further. If a person is good at persuading himself, he can always be right. So in the middle of the month, I went to Huangshan with confidence.