Treating With Silence Chapter 10

I began to feel very uncomfortable after hearing this story. I finished my drink and checked my watch, hoping he would see the hint, but he didn't.

"One day," he said, "I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't respond. I tried several times... but she told me to leave her alone."

I thought to myself, I can't blame her for this. I was just about to find an excuse to leave when Leo continued.

"It was very hard to accept," he said. "I thought we were meant for each other. She broke my heart and I was so mad at her that I was going crazy."

"What happened next?" I couldn't help but ask.

"nothing."

"Nothing? You still live with your wife?"

Leo shook his head. "No. My relationship with her is over. But after I failed in my pursuit of this woman, I admitted that our relationship was over... and faced the truth about our relationship. You know, sometimes it takes courage to be honest, and it takes a long time."

"I see. You mean Alicia isn't ready to face the truth about her marriage? Is that what you mean? You're probably right."

Leo shrugged. "Now I'm engaged to a wonderful girl. She's Hungarian, works in a spa, and speaks fluent English. We're a perfect match for each other. We're very happy together."

I nodded, checked my watch again, picked up my coat, and said, "I really have to go, or I'll be late to pick my wife up."

"Okay, no problem...your wife, what's her name?"

For some reason, I didn't want to tell him, didn't want him to know anything about her. But it would have been stupid. "Katherine," I said, "Her name is Katherine...but I call her Emily."

Leo gave me an unexplained smile.

"I'm giving you a piece of advice," he said. "Go home to your wife. Go back to Emily, who loves you. ... Leave Alicia alone."

I went to find Cathy in the National Theatre's small restaurant on the South Bank. The actors often gathered there after rehearsals. She was sitting at the back of the restaurant with two actresses, talking very interestingly. I walked over and they all looked up at me.

"Do you have a fever in your ears, honey?" Emily said and K!ssed me.

"Should I have a fever?"

"I was just talking to the girls about you."

"Ah, then should I just stay away?"

"Don't be silly. Sit down - you've come just in time. I was just about to tell them how we met."

After I sat down, Emily continued. This was a story she loved to tell. As she spoke, she occasionally looked at me and smiled, as if I was one of them - but it was just a perfunctory gesture, because the story she was telling was hers, not mine.

"I was sitting at the bar when he showed up. I had given up any hope of ever finding him - when in walked the man of my dreams. Better late than never. You know, I thought I'd be married when I was twenty-five, and by thirty I'd have two kids, a puppy and a big mortgage. But look at me, I'm over thirty-three, and nothing has gone as planned." She grinned and winked at the girls.

"Anyway, I was dating this Australian guy named Daniel. But he didn't want to get married and have kids right away, and I knew I was wasting my time. One night we were on a date, and it just happened - the man I was destined to meet walked into my life..." Cathy looked at me and smiled, rolling her eyes, "and brought his girlfriend with him."

She had to be careful when she told this story to win the audience's sympathy. In fact, when Emily and I were dating, we were both dating other people. It is not a good idea to start a relationship by having two lovers at the same time, because it is not an attractive or auspicious sign, especially when the person who introduced us to each other was our current partner. There was a reason for their meeting, but I have long forgotten the details - maybe Mariana had been dating Daniel's roommate, or Daniel's roommate had pursued her. I don't remember how they introduced us, but I remember that when I first saw Emily, I felt like I was electrocuted. I remember her long flowing dark hair, her captivating green eyes, and her mouth - she was extremely beautiful, elegant, and like a fairy.

At this point, Emily paused, smiled, grabbed my hand, and said, "Max, remember how our conversation started? You said you were training to be a psychiatrist. I said I was a little crazy -- so this was a good thing from God."

This made the girls laugh. Emily laughed too, and looked at me seriously and impatiently, searching my eyes. "No, but... honey... seriously, it's love at first sight, isn't it?"

This was a hint for me. I nodded and K!ssed her cheek: "It really was love at first sight. True love."

Her friends gave me approving looks. But I wasn't just flirting. She was right, it was love at first sight -- well, lust anyway. Even though I was with Mariana that night, I couldn't help but glance at Emily. I watched her from a distance as she and Daniel laughed and talked -- and then I saw her lips move as she said, "Fcuk you."

There was an argument between them. It seemed quite intense. Daniel turned around and walked away.

"You have been so silent," said Marianna. "What is the matter?"

"It's all right."

"Let's go home then. I'm tired."

"No hurry," I said, not really listening to what she was saying. "Let's have some more drinks."

"I wanna go."

"Then go ahead."

Mariana glared at me, grabbed her coat, and walked out. I knew there would be a big fight the next day, but I didn't care. I walked over to Emily at the bar.

"Is Daniel coming back yet?" I asked.

"Not coming back," Emily replied. "What about Marianne?"

I shook my head. "Not coming back. Do you want another drink?"

"Okay, another one."

So we ordered two more drinks and stood at the bar talking. I remember we talked about my psychotherapy training. Cathy also told me about her time at drama school - she wasn't there very long, but she signed with an agent at the end of her first year and has been acting professionally ever since. I don't know why, but I thought she might be a good actress.

"I'm not a student," she said. "I want to get out of there and do something practical - you know?"

"What should I do? Perform?"

"No. Life." Emily tilted her head and looked at me mischievously with her emerald eyes under her black lashes. "What about you, Max? How do you have so much patience to do - I mean, to learn?"

"Maybe I don't want to 'live' out of that place. Maybe I'm a coward."

"No. If you were a coward you would have gone home with your girlfriend."

Cathy laughed. This teasing laugh made my heart flutter. I wanted to pull her in and K!ss her. I had never felt such a strong desire; I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her lips and the heat of her body as she touched me.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have said that. I always say whatever's on my mind. I told you, I'm a little crazy."

Emily often said that there must be something wrong with her..."I'm not sane," "I'm a little crazy," "I'm mentally ill"...but I never believed it. She laughed so hard and often that I never believed she had gone through the same dark times I had. She had a genuine lightness about her...she loved life and had a lot of fun with it. Although she said she was crazy, I felt she was the least crazy person I had ever met. I felt more sane when I was with her.

Cathy is an American who grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Her mother is British, so she has dual citizenship. But there's nothing British about Cathy. She doesn't sound British at all...not only in the way she talks, but also in the way she sees the world and the way she deals with people. I've never met anyone with such confidence and energy before.

We left the bar, got a cab, and drove straight to my apartment. We didn't talk during the short ride. When we got to the apartment, she pressed her lips against mine. I pulled her over with reckless abandon, K!ssing her passionately while I fumbled for the key to the front door. Once inside, we eagerly undressed, stumbled into the bedroom, and fell on the bed.

I had the most passionate, ecstatic night I've ever had. We made love for hours, all night, until dawn. I remember it was all white: the white of the sunlight on the edge of the curtains, the white of the walls, the white of the sheets, the white of her eyes, the white of her teeth, the white of her skin. It was the first time I knew skin could be so smooth, so transparent: white as ivory, with the blue of the veins just visible beneath the skin, like blue streaks on white marble. She was like a statue, a Greek goddess brought to life in my hands.

Cathy and I lay in bed, hugging each other. She was face to face with me. Her eyes were too close to mine to focus. All I saw was a hazy green ocean. "Hmm?" she said.

"Um what?"

"How's Marianna?"

"Marianna?"

A smile flashed across her face: "Your girlfriend."

"Oh, yes, yes." I hesitated, not knowing how to answer. "I don't know her very well. What about Daniel?"

Casey rolled his eyes and said, "Don't bother me. I've forgotten about him a long time ago."

"You really forgot?"

She returned the K!ss.

Before leaving, Emily took a shower. While she was in the shower, I called Mariana. I wanted to meet her to talk to her in person. She was impatient and insisted that I make it clear on the phone. She didn't expect me to break up. But I said it, and I said it calmly. She cried, got emotional, and had a tantrum. I had to hang up. It was cruel, yes - and not very kind. I am not proud of making such a call. But it seemed like the only way to do it. I still don't know what else I could have done.

My first official date with Cathy was at the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew. She had suggested it. I said I had never been there, and she was surprised. "Are you kidding?" she said. "You've never been to the greenhouses? That big greenhouse with all kinds of tropical orchids. They keep it really hot. I used to go there when I was at drama school because it was so warm. How about we meet there after you get off work?" Then she hesitated, suddenly indecisive. "Isn't it too far for you to go there?"

"My dear, I would go anywhere farther than the Botanical Gardens if it were for you," I replied.

"Silly." She said and K!ssed me.

When I got there, Emily was waiting for me at the entrance. She was wearing a big coat and a scarf, and she waved at me like an excited child. "Come on, come on," she shouted, "follow me."

She led me across the frozen mud to a large glass greenhouse that housed many tropical plants. She pushed open the door and quickly entered. I followed her and felt a wave of heat hitting me. I was surprised by the sudden rise in temperature and immediately pulled off the scarf around my neck and took off my coat. Emily smiled.