I Can Spend Lives Waiting for You Chapter 5

When I was in college, I had a classmate with whom I got along quite well. We shared our appreciation for our wonderful writings and analyzed our doubts. I regarded him as my first best friend in my life. Once when I was reading Murakami's novel "The Bakery Robbery", there was a passage that used the mountain peaks falling on the water to describe the feeling of hunger. I found it novel and pointed it out to him.

A few days later, he said he was hungry at night. Thinking of that episode, he became even hungrier. I was very happy after hearing this and felt proud of being praised.

He is the only person who knows about my relationship with my husband. I am very grateful to him because even though he could not understand when I told him, he still showed great tolerance and support.

After graduation, he went to the Institute of Metallurgy, Chinese Academy of Sciences in Shenyang to study as a graduate student. Sometimes when chatting online, he would ask, "Are you okay?" I understood what he meant, he was worried about us.

In the past, in school, the environment was simple and the two of us were close, and everyone would just think that we were good buddies. Outside of society, people's hearts are complex and must be taken into consideration at all times. Don't be intimate in public places. You never go to the other person's place of work. When you meet a colleague on the street, you will say that they are college classmates, carefully avoiding the eyes of the world.

I wrote an article "Not Confidant Enough" to thank him.

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My parents and my husband’s parents are very traditional and regard the happiness of their children as their lifelong career.

I have never dared to explain to them because my husband’s father and my mother both have high blood pressure and we cannot be angry or anxious.

Being pushed by my family to have a girlfriend, I made every excuse to avoid it.

What does the future hold? Nobody knows. But because of this person beside me, I have the courage to continue, feeling uneasy and happy.

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The first time I had intimate contact with my husband was in the spring of the second millennium.

In the second half of the freshman year, someone had a birthday. Eight people moved two cases of beer. After lights out, light candles, drink and chat. At three o'clock in the morning, everyone was drunk and went to bed to rest.

Relying on the drunkenness, she climbed into her husband's mosquito net and gently put her hand on his shoulder. A feeling of reassurance came from the skin under her hand.

I slept soundly that night.

27

From then on, my husband began to avoid me.

On weekdays, you can use the name of your classmates when you are playing around or hugging each other. If we really move forward, no one would dare. Understand that if we take this step, we will never be who we were before, and we can never go back.

The relationship between the two was in an awkward and stalemate state. But the strange emotion came so violently that it was almost irresistible. With all the longing in my heart and the desperate desire to refuse, I tried to stay away from him. I went out early, slept in the classroom at noon, entered the dormitory ten minutes before lights out, made new friends, laughed and made a fuss. I once wanted to go out and rent a house to live on my own, but had to give up because of the school's regulations.

After a few months, I was exhausted.

It was at that time that I met my first girlfriend.

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She and I were in different classes, and we had many classes together, so we had many opportunities to meet. Very beautiful, tall, big eyes, slightly dark.

He deliberately made a bet with his classmates on whether he could get a date with her.

So during a physics class, I passed a note to her. The question is: Would you like to go to the movies tonight?

She was given four options: A, very willing. B, yes. C. I have nothing to do anyway. D. I don’t want to go.

She chose A.

At 6:30 pm, next to the small football field, I went to catch the 7 o'clock movie.

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I feel very conflicted. I hope that dating a girl will make my husband jealous, but I also hope that my attention can be diverted and I can return to my normal life.

Forget, forget everything.

I forgot how I felt that day, what color she was wearing, and the plot of the movie.

I just remember sitting in the dark, which became extremely uncomfortable every second. I resisted the urge to run away and focused on talking to her.

When I returned to the dormitory, my husband was sweeping the floor. When he saw me coming in, he asked me, "Are you done with your lasciviousness?"

Hate him for being so indifferent.

30

I went out with her several times one after another.

Never held hands, never K!ssed.

At night, the two of them ran to the main campus and waited for all the lights in the teaching building to go out in an instant. After self-study, I would go to Banyue Pond to steal two large lotus leaves and put them upside down on my head.

When we sat together in class, I changed the physics textbook into Liaoning Mandarin and asked her to read it in Cantonese. The classmate said: "Why don't you two look like you are in love at all? You look more like two children having company and having a drink at a player's house."