It Is All Ha Ha Chapter 6

The two people on the stage were full of drama, but the audience didn't know that. They stretched their necks and waited for Parker to continue. No matter how much Parker muttered in his heart, he still had a smile on his face. He snorted and said, "In the past, it was the ladies who threw Cartier on the stage."

"Wait a minute." Simon said, "Cartier existed during the Republic of China?"

Parker said: "Cartier was founded in 1847, thank you."

"I'm poor and have never bought one." Simon shook her head, "I don't understand."

Parker said: "Didn't I give you so much?"

Simon said: "Do you have to talk about this?"

"Are you going to join the real life if you don't tell me?" Parker finally asked loudly. Simon herself didn't want to join the real life, and Parker's hints were useless, so he could only make it clear. He knew that the audience in the audience couldn't understand this, so he was obviously going against Simon.

"No one is stopping you from doing this!" Simon was also very firm, "Isn't this the end of the story after we finish supporting the leading actor?"

"Then you have to let me speak!"

"Then tell me!"

After Simon said this, the audience also started to make a fuss. The audience really didn't know what was going on and what wasn't, they just wanted to watch the two of them argue with each other for fun. Seeing this, Parker simply threw a tantrum and said, "I don't care! I won't do it unless you give me some advice! Otherwise, I will... I will..." He looked left and right, but couldn't figure out what he was saying.

"What do you want to do?" Simon asked, just to watch the fun.

Parker stomped his foot and took a step towards Simon: "I molested you!" Not only did he say that, he also moved his body and kicked up the hem of his gown so that it fell into his hand, just like a Peking Opera. Seeing this, Simon quickly ran outside the table. He knew that Parker was a bad guy who could do anything. In order to avoid any weird stage accidents, he had to hide while saying: "Then tell me the story of the troupe!"

"You haven't finished talking for a long time?" Parker stopped what he was doing and stood outside the table. "The old opera troupe had a sign on the door saying 'Today's performance', which meant they were performing at the master's house..."

From here on, the main action of "Guan Gong Fights Qin Qiong" officially begins. The following content mainly consists of the funny actor reciting and learning to sing, while the supporting actor cooperates with the beating of gongs and drums.

He learned to speak in Shandong dialect. Dialect is a basic skill for crosstalk actors, and Parker learned it very well. But the problem is his face... A handsome guy speaking in a mysterious dialect is very impactful, and the audience can't help laughing. However, Parker learned it very well, and it was the most rustic way of speaking. Such a rustic handsome guy is rare in the world.

"You are attending a Shandong family gathering here." Simon suddenly interrupted, "What if you go to Henan?"

"This Henan..." Parker was about to answer, but he immediately realized something was wrong. It seemed that Simon wanted to redirect him to another place.

"What's the matter?" Simon waited calmly for Parker to speak in Henan dialect.

"Are you still going to perform crosstalk?" Parker was throwing a tantrum and threatening Simon, "We are having a party here! What does Henan have to do with it? Is this going to work?"

Simon said: "Then we can go to Guangdong, they have Cantonese opera there."

Parker almost rolled on the ground. Seeing that throwing a tantrum didn't work, she began to cry and whimper: "No, no! It's just a party at the old man's house in Shandong! They're singing Peking opera! A party, a party, a party! Let's not even talk about crosstalk! No one does this. If you do it again, I'll really cry!"

He had a good-looking face and looked young. When he acted like a spoiled child and hummed like that, the female audience members in the audience couldn't stand it anymore. Even the auntie shouted at him to continue.

"That's fine." Simon finally said, "What happened next?"

Parker breathed a sigh of relief and was finally able to move on to the rest of the scene.

Simon beat the drum soullessly, thinking that it would be time to sing soon and see what Parker could do.

After all, it is easy to learn ditties, but it takes real skill to sing Peking opera. This is Master Hou's classic work, and Master Hou himself started out as a Peking opera singer. His skill is evident in just a few lines.

"The devil king came to serve as his minister, and was appointed as the commander-in-chief of the army. Following the devil king's order, I led a group of soldiers to fight against the Han general Guan Yu!" Parker began to imitate Qin Qiong. His voice was loud and powerful. This paragraph of words was really full of vigor. He immediately changed from the rogue into a majestic commander-in-chief of the army.

After hearing this, Simon's eyes lit up.

After a few words of dialogue, Parker sang: "I am in the Tang Dynasty and you are in the Han Dynasty. We are fighting --- why?" This is a Xipi Sanban. While Simon was beating the rhythm, she asked: "Why?"

"I heard it!" Parker turned around and changed direction, throwing up his robe, "If I tell you to fight, you fight. If you don't fight------" The old man who gave them problems in the story was always beside him, "He doesn't provide food!"

"Hmm!"

Applause broke out from the audience, and Parker and Simon bowed and left the stage.

Parker was almost dying of heat. While taking off his coat, he cried to Simon: "Teacher Ye, what's wrong with you? Why are you always so lazy? You're almost killing me!"

Simon was unmoved and said, "Who told you to be so talkative and take on everything?"

Parker said: "You don't feel sorry for me!"

"Why should I feel sorry for you? Am I sick?" Simon said, "Don't do that on stage anymore. It's not appropriate."

Just as Parker was about to say a few more words, the boss came backstage and said with a smile: "Thank you for your hard work, um, will you perform again later? The guests still want to hear..."

"I don't want to act anymore! I won't act even if you pay me more!" Parker quickly refused. "It took less than twenty minutes to finish the performance of 'Guan Gong vs. Qin Qiong'. Look, we've been talking for almost an hour! I'm going to vomit blood!" They really didn't have much time to act, and since Simon refused to join the performance, Parker kept chatting with her and talked nonsense for a long time.

This tragedy is really laughable.

The boss wanted to persuade him again, but Simon smiled and said, "That's all for today. I'm afraid you won't be able to perform again in the future. This show is free." He briefly explained his situation, and the boss didn't know what to say. He could only say a few words of blessing and left.

Parker and Simon were the only ones left in the lounge. Parker slumped on the sofa with his shirt open, pretending to be dead, while Simon silently changed her clothes and carefully folded and put away the coat she took off. Somehow, Parker always felt that although Simon still looked indifferent, she seemed to be in a good mood.

I don’t know if it’s an illusion.

"What are you looking at?" Simon asked, flicking her hand gently, "Change clothes and go."

"Let me ask you." Parker sat up, "Did I act well?"

Simon asked: "Why do you ask this?"

"Just asking." Parker said, "Am I good enough in martial arts? Have I learned well?"

"......"

"Is it okay?" Parker asked again.

"It's okay." Simon turned around and answered lightly.

In fact, he himself did not realize that there was a smile on his face when he was speaking just now.

During the next few weeks of spending time together, Simon gained a very deep understanding of Parker's basic skills.

Parker had two bedrooms at home, one for himself and the other for his study, where he kept his stuff. After forcibly detaining Simon, in order to show his sincerity, Parker gave the bedroom facing the sun to Simon and moved to the study.

At first, the two of them stared at each other, not knowing what to do when they saw each other every day. It was Parker who suggested that they go through all the traditional crosstalks, so that they could get a feel for each other and get familiar with each other's acting style. This was finally something to do.

Parker always wanted to show off in front of Simon, which annoyed Simon a little. When performing "Guan Gong vs. Qin Qiong" in the teahouse before, Parker's posture and singing were very standard, and it was obvious that he had received systematic training. He said that he had learned from a master in Peking Opera. Simon didn't believe it at first, but after seeing Parker perform it once, she believed it a little.

He couldn't help but think that Parker seemed to have some ability and was not as unreasonable as he said.

It's just that the little bit of goodwill that had just been established was immediately defeated by the rogue Parker in daily life.

"Okay." Simon finally couldn't help it, "Tell me what else you can do?"

Parker patted his chest and said, "I know everything!"

"Then show me a trick." Simon drank her tea calmly.

Parker was surprised. He never thought that the most beautiful girl in Gaoling could make dirty jokes so calmly.

Teacher Ye, what's wrong with you? Teacher Ye, aren't you a scholar? Are you reading "Jin Ping Mei"?

"Didn't you say you know everything?" Seeing that Parker didn't respond, Simon deliberately asked.

"Okay." Parker sat directly next to Simon and reached out to unbutton her pants. Simon spat out a mouthful of water and quickly stopped him: "What are you doing again!"

"Didn't you ask me to play with your balls?" Parker and Simon wrestled with each other, grunting.

"Then I didn't ask you... I didn't ask you..." Simon could only take advantage of others with his mouth. In terms of action, he was really no match for Parker.

"It's okay, Teacher Ye." Parker said seriously, "Don't be afraid if you can make a joke. Whoever is timid will be embarrassed."

"Why don't you just die!" Simon kicked Parker and finally kicked him away.

Parker straightened his clothes and pushed a box out of the study. Simon didn't know what Parker was going to do next, so she asked hesitantly, "What are you doing?"

"Aren't you going to perform?" Parker opened the box, "There's everything in here, clappers, imperial boards, string instruments, drums..." The box was big enough and everything was neatly organized. Simon picked it up and saw that each item was engraved with Parker's name.

"Why do you have two pairs of Gokoban?" he asked curiously.

"Because I can play with both hands!" Parker took the two sets of bamboo sticks, one for each hand, and performed on the spot. The four bamboo pieces of the two sets of bamboo sticks made a loud clanging sound, showing off his skills to the extreme.

Simon felt dizzy after hearing this: "That's enough."

"Oh." Parker stopped immediately and put Yu Zi back.

Simon took out the sanxian and said, "Last time when you sang 'Zhao Hua Tai' you said you would play the sanxian for me when you had the chance. Now play one."

"This..." Parker said awkwardly, "My nails are broken and I didn't buy new ones."

Simon said: "Then just play it with your hands."

"Brother, it hurts." Parker put his ten fingers in front of Simon. His nails were trimmed smooth and even, but if he wanted to play the sanxian, he really had to be ruthless.

Simon got up and walked around the kitchen, then took out a small bamboo spoon and threw it in front of Parker: "Use this."

"It's too thick!" Parker said with disdain, "What kind of noise will it make? Forget it, I'll just use my hands."

He held the sanxian and began to play it. His slender fingers plucked the strings deftly, and the few notes he produced sounded like pearls falling on a jade plate, which made Simon look at him with admiration.

Then, there was a "click" sound, and the out-of-tune string sound stopped abruptly.

Simon asked: "What's wrong?"

Parker raised his hand and cried out: "Ah------my nail is split!"

"Who told you to play 'Senbonzakura' with a shamisen?" Simon didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "It's good that your fingers are not broken!"

"It hurts so much!" Parker continued to play the victim.

Simon leaned over to take a look at it for him. The cut was not deep. He found a nail clipper and carefully helped Parker deal with it. He said, "Open your mouth."

"Ah------" Parker opened his mouth obediently.

Simon put Parker's finger into his mouth, raised her chin, and said, "Hold it in your mouth, the saliva will relieve the pain."

"Damn it!" Parker pulled his hand away. He thought Simon was suddenly gentle and kind, but he didn't expect her to be waiting here.

The adjustment period between the two of them was very stressful, and time passed quickly. In the blink of an eye, it was August. The hottest days in Beijing were about to pass, but there were always things that could keep people excited.

Parker's master Henry is going to have his birthday.

Traditional professions like theirs still maintain some old rules. The status of the master is equal to that of parents, and they must visit the master on the three festivals and birthdays.

Parker had already prepared a gift for his master, and he was going to take Simon with him. Who knows, maybe his master would be able to give Simon some benefits when he sees her in person?

This was a good plan. When the wedding day was approaching, he suddenly received a call from his elder sister Xie Huan.

"Wu'er." Xie Huan said, "What?"

"Lying down, what's wrong, sis?"

"The old man's birthday is the day after tomorrow. I'm filming overseas and can't come back." Xie Huan said, "I sent you the gift I prepared for the old man. You can take it with you."

"Sister." Parker sat up, "Are you really unable to come back or are you pretending not to? You must have used this excuse two or three times?"

Xie Huan said with a "tsk". "You are the only one who talks too much. Don't respond to everything. I'm going to be busy now. You can handle it yourself."

"Okay, brother, I promise to do it for you!" Parker patted his chest and promised.

As soon as he hung up the phone, the courier arrived. Simon opened the door. The courier was pushing a large box that was one meter square. He was exhausted. Simon signed for Parker and asked him, "What did you buy that's so big?"

Parker ran out happily, also puzzled.

When they unpacked the boxes, they were even more puzzled.

What's the matter with this box of stones?

Simon looked at Parker in bewilderment, and Parker also said in bewilderment: "Don't look at me, I didn't buy it."

"Who bought it?" Simon asked.

"My eldest sister."

"ah?"

"Isn't my master's biological daughter my eldest sister?" Parker said, "I was picked up and brought home by my master. He is almost like my biological father. My eldest sister is much older than me, but for some reasons, she and my master are not particularly close. She is often away filming and never comes home... In short, the father and daughter are awkward. Whenever my eldest sister sends something, she asks me to take it."

Simon asked: "What's your eldest sister's name?"

"Thank you, Huan."

"Okay." Simon finally reacted, "The best actress."

Henry’s birthday was on Saturday, so he had dinner in the evening. Several of his disciples arrived one after another during the day.

Henry was feeding the cat when he saw Parker pushing a large box in with great effort, followed by a young man.

"Master, have the brothers come back?" Parker asked from a distance, "Hurry up and ask them to come and help."

"You little bastard, what are you doing again?" Henry scattered the cat food in his hand, and the cats ran to the side to eat it with a meow. He clapped his hands behind his back, walked forward to look at the big box in the yard, and then his eyes moved to the person behind Parker.

"Oh, Master, let me introduce him to you." Parker pulled Simon over, "Simon, this is the one I mentioned to you. He is my partner now. He came with me to visit you on your birthday this time." As he spoke, he poked Simon with his elbow, and Simon quickly took out the birthday gift he had prepared for Henry.

"Thank you, teacher. Hello, I am Simon." Simon said respectfully, "I wish you good fortune and longevity, and a happy birthday."

Henry stared at Simon seriously for a long time, which made Simon have goose bumps. Then he suddenly laughed and said to Simon in a relaxed and kind manner: "Don't be nervous or polite, just think of it as entering your own home." The old man spoke to Simon with a smile, but turned around and spoke to Parker with disgust: "Little bastard, why don't you bring people into the house? It's so hot outside!"

"Master, you should open this box first." Parker didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "This is your birthday gift from your elder sister. She is filming abroad and can't come back. I don't know why she suddenly came up with this idea. She bought you a box of stones, saying they are raw stones. There are jade and agate inside each one. Look, it's written on it. As for how big it is when you open it, it may just depend on your luck."

"You stupid girl." Henry said angrily, "You are playing tricks! I think you should never come back again!"

Parker quickly comforted him, "Master, maybe my elder sister is afraid that you will get bored, so she asked you to open the stones for fun. Isn't opening stones more interesting than cracking walnuts?" He picked up the smallest stone and said, "Look, it says jadeite on it. How much do you think there is when you open it?"

"Oh! There's jade! Let me take a look!" A man came out from the room next door. He was wearing an apron and holding a big spoon. He had a smiling face and was slightly fat, like a smiling Buddha. "Which one can open a jade?"

"Third Senior Brother, I'm sure that something precious will seduce you out." Parker smiled, "Will you be the chef today?"

Zheng Shuangqi showed the spoon in his hand: "Isn't it? Don't you all like my craftsmanship?"

Parker said: "I love it so much!"

Zheng Shuangqi has three things in life, and two great pleasures: money and food. He doesn't like fame, but he loves to pursue profit, as if he is obsessed with money, which Parker doesn't appreciate. However, Zheng Shuangqi is a great cook, and he is the one who cooks for his master during festivals, and Parker particularly appreciates his cooking skills.

In short, he was very conflicted, but no matter how conflicted he was, it could not be compared to his feelings for his eldest and second brothers.

Speak of the devil and he will appear.

The eldest brother Li Shuangping and the second brother Yang Shuanglin came at the same time. Simon saw Li Shuangping first, who was also the oldest. Simon always felt that she had to call him uncle. Li Shuangping had a gentle and honest personality, just like the middle-class eldest brother in a traditional family. Among the brothers, Yang Shuanglin was the most eloquent and popular one.

He is the most familiar crosstalk artist to the public. He often hangs around in television media and the film and television industry. He is also a visiting professor at a university. He has a high social status and behaves like an artist.

Parker introduced Simon to several senior brothers. The senior brothers were all very kind, but Simon felt uncomfortable. He always felt that this glittering Xie family was not as harmonious as it seemed on the surface.

At the dinner table, several people toasted to the master, including Simon. He was more relaxed than before. Henry was always gentle to young people. This gentleness and care came from the heart. Simon could feel it and naturally felt closer to him.

"Old Five, what have you been busy with recently?" After toasting each other, Yang Shuanglin asked Parker with concern.

"Just stay there!" Parker said vaguely.

"I heard that you went to a small teahouse to perform crosstalk a while ago?" Yang Shuanglin said.

"Hey, where did you hear that?" Parker asked back.

"Small teahouse?" Zheng Shuangqi interrupted and asked, "How much do you get per show?" He was most concerned about the performance fee.

Yang Shuanglin said, "I saw it online. You were wearing a gown that exposed your ankles." At this point, he laughed, "What does this have to do with anything? Lao Wu, stop fooling around and not doing your job. Look, this video has come out. People asked me, how do I explain it? Xiao Wu couldn't make it anymore and went out to do crosstalk? Is it good?"

"I'm just playing around, don't take it seriously." Parker replied.

"I'm not saying anything bad to you, but you're not young anymore. Don't think crookedly all the time." Yang Shuanglin kept teaching Parker, "If you have time, study more serious art and culture. Master is old, and the brothers are not young either. Don't we still have to rely on you in the future?"

Parker hated Yang Shuanglin's preaching the most. Even though he didn't want to listen, he still said politely: "Don't worry, the senior brothers are the trendsetters of the times and the flag bearers of the industry! I'm still young, I'm not good enough yet, I still have to rely on the protection of the senior brothers."

Just as Yang Shuanglin was about to say something, Li Shuangping said, "Stop bickering with each other, you two. Aren't you afraid of being laughed at by the master? Even eating and drinking can't stop you two!"

Henry waved his hands, as if it had nothing to do with him: "I have seen everything, you guys can talk about it."

"Today is Master's birthday, let's not talk about this anymore." Yang Shuanglin stopped talking in time, raised his glass, and turned to Simon, "Xiao Ye, shall we have a drink?"

Simon raised her glass and walked cautiously with Yang Shuanglin. After drinking, Yang Shuanglin asked Simon many questions, including gossip, and Simon answered them one by one.

After three rounds of drinking, everyone opened up and talked about their own things. But today there were guests, and the main target of attack by several senior brothers was still Simon. This kind of social fritters like to bully newcomers at the wine table, as if it is an unwritten social habit of old men. Simon is not good at drinking, and she was drunk after just two glasses.

Seeing this, Parker had no choice but to block the wine for Simon. How could he drink more than three people? So he drank with Simon gloriously.

The two of them were so drunk that they started talking nonsense. They definitely couldn't leave, so Henry arranged for them to stay in the room where Parker used to live, threw them on a bed and had them sleep in their clothes.

At dawn, everything was quiet and silent, but suddenly a loud shout was heard from the yard.

"Parker! Get up!"

Then there was the sound of a kick on the door.

Parker sat up with a start, like a conditioned reflex. His eyes were not open and his mind was not conscious, but he could shout: "Here I come! Master, I am up! Steamed lamb, steamed bear paws, steamed deer tails..."

This is how Henry woke him up early in the morning to practice martial arts since he was a child.

Simon was sleeping soundly, but was awakened by the sudden noise. He was still drunk, so he subconsciously asked, "Ah? Are the anti-pornography police here?"